synchronicity, accidents, thoughts, maps, concepts & original positivities

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Teaching the Brain to turn it Around

Lately, I have been focusing on the negative and letting it focus on me.  This has been the reason for the down hill slide.  I gave up.  Well.. I'm still here, so I haven't given up all together.  But I have let things get on top of me,  mainly a depressed, funky rut.  It is threatening to swallow me whole.

The will flickers like a distant candle.  It seems so far away.

And so, the problem solver in me gets to work.  I want to work this shit out - if it kills me.  If it kills me.  We all know it won't.  But I'm not going to kid you or myself.  It is going to hurt.  How can it not?  I jumped right into trying to find a solution to my head case.. for three days I wrote and drew mind maps.  I traced and tracked events, timelines and incidents...  it was an amazing list.  Even for me.

The thing is - I know that I am not the only one to have experiences which lead to a condition like post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Simply living - even in a 'safe' part of the world - does not exempt you from trauma.  For all the personal damage I have felt.. I truly feel as though my compassion bone has been compensated.  I know how to feel because I feel... and that is awesome. 

As of tomorrow.. things physically change.  I will have no choice but to change with it.  I am frightened and excited.

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